Your Official Guide to GOP House Investigations! Programs Here! Programs!
With Nothing to Govern, You Fake It!
No one does investigations like the Republicans. I mean, no one. In a certain light (Strobe light?), you can hardly blame the hapless bunch. It is not like they have some grand platform of legislation they can institute. In 2020, the GOP didn’t even bother to put together a platform. They believed Trump would win, and they didn’t know what Trump believed about certain things and so why write it down? So no legislation.
No, as Eric Swalwell once said, Republicans see high-level congressional politics as “professional wrestling.” It is a gigantic show with fan favs. They cannot wait for WWF Champion “Jim Blue-Shirt Jordan.” He’ll leave the coat at home and climb to the top of the ropes in order to pile-drive Hunter Biden! Oh, and you know there will be a big moment when Marjorie Taylor-Greene of the COVID Subcommittee slams a chair over Anthony Fauci’s head for the “crimes” the Medal of Freedom winner committed against the country.
And just as in pro wrestling, no one is going to get really hurt because, in the grand scheme of things, no one did anything seriously wrong. The GOP has already oversold the show and can’t possibly live up to expectations. Hunter Biden doesn’t have ten billion in a Chinese Bank in a joint account with Joe Biden. Oh, and - hey! Shhhhhhh, Hunter Biden isn’t really president. But don’t tell them, or it’ll ruin the show when they impeach Hunter!
Speaking of which, you won’t be able to fully appreciate the action without your program! Step up. They are $8 each (Hit Subscribe! Feb 1st is almost here, and you won’t want to miss a match!), or $80 for the year. Here we go.
BIGGEST SHOW IN TOWN: HUNTER, HUNTER, HUNTER
House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer (R-Ky.)
You know that you might be lacking some credibility as to whether the guy really took an elbow to the jaw when Comer had to affirmatively “assure” people that the hearings will be “credible.” But as Politico notes (at the link), it’s awfully tough to characterize these hearings as anything but fireworks and a lot of skin. When one puts Reps. Scott Perry (Pa.), Paul Gosar (Ariz.), and Marjorie Taylor Greene (Ga.) on the Committee, it is going to drain a lot of introspection and mature judgment from the ring, I mean room.
The irony is that Hunter really should have been sent to Nepal in 2018 to study with Buddhist monks. The plain truth is that he has enough “smoke” around him that an investigation is warranted. Come on, selling his own paintings (!) and even though no law was violated and Joe Biden didn’t benefit or protect Hunter, “Hunt” had no ethical business sitting on the board of the world’s most corrupt petroleum company - Burisma - (At the time). There are reasons to investigate whether Hunter was a security risk and whether he was collecting money promising access to someone.
But all that stuff is way too sober for the bunch above. It would be like tennis when they must feed the beast with fireworks at the entrance, a stage, walkout music, all of it. In the end, Hunter may be charged with some tax violations, but he’s not moving billions around in concert with his dad… and yet, still, you know that all the stuff that will be announced from the center of the ring.
Marjorie, dreaming of throwing Hunter into the seats.
TWEET-TWEET…. TWEET-TWEET
The Twitter thing should be soberly investigated and corrected… which will not happen. It is also loosely tied to Hunter.
First, Twitter worked with the federal government to remove disinformation with respect to COVID. The key is that the federal government only helped find dangerous disinformation and then used those resources to report the accounts to Twitter and Facebook. The government did not remove anything. Two private companies “censored” speech that advocated horse paste or said that the vaccine had a chip that would put you in line for the Borg. But we should study how much partnership we want between government resources and private companies.
Second, the FBI pressured Twitter and other major media to ignore Hunter’s laptop story because it had all the indicia of Russian disinformation. The FBI failed to block Russian influence in 2016 and perhaps went a little too far the other way in 2020. These are human beings. They make mistakes. The laptop turned out to be legitimate. But - there’s a problem.
No one’s been able to find a crime tied to the laptop! And, well - Hunter wasn’t running for president… Shhhhh. This actually could be a legitimate investigation but won’t be because… the same three critters listed above are on this committee!!
That’s what happens when you sell your soul to be speaker! You play to the lowest common denominator, and the next thing you know, your committee is full of people who look like they’re straight out of the Avengers or, in this case, the WWF.
Jim Jordan and some FBI Agent who was told to do his job.
DHS Sec. Alejandro Mayorkas and the Border:
Again, this could be a very fruitful investigation. Could be. Congress desperately needs a new immigration bill, and the asylum system is being overrun. The irony is that the Republicans are going to pound on Sec. Mayorkas, instead of doing a lot of listening and discussing the framework for a new immigration bill.
With respect to immigration, everyone understands a few things: First, we invite illegal aliens to work jobs that Americans won’t do for the money illegal aliens make. We want $5 plastic boxes of strawberries, not $15. Florida would shut down in 72 hours if every illegal immigrant were gone by midnight. Their agriculture and tourist economic sectors would be paralyzed. So we invite illegal aliens. Then, of course, we make them the enemy, to the point that there are citizen militias patrolling the border. We need work visas, a database, real rules, etc. And we need to revamp and enlarge our asylum system, perhaps setting up offices in Southern Mexico to make the determinations 800 miles south and avoid the most dangerous areas. We put American customs offices up in Edmonton’s airport, so one goes through customs before landing in the U.S. Why can’t the same thing be done with asylum seekers who are walking or driving the roads? But all of that requires serious people.
The fact is that any DHS Secretary after Trump was going to be overrun. The Biden administration would follow the law. Trump took kids away from their parents. But Mayorkas will be lucky if the House doesn’t impeach him. He has no need to fear conviction, but people are going to be impeached, damn it, and he will be first to be swung against the ropes and knocked straight to the matt.
Christopher Wray won’t budge to Jim Jordan
INVESTIGATE THE INVESTIGATORS, *THE REMATCH
Yet again, this could actually be a useful investigation. The Committee can get to the bottom of why the FBI failed so spectacularly to foresee the obvious dangers coming on January 6th. Is it possible that it is because much of the FBI actually favored Trump, and are MAGAs deep in their hearts? It could be.
Alas, this will be embarrassingly akin to Barr’s appointment of John Durham, a special counsel who spent twice as long as Mueller and failed to get one conviction with the exception of a deal for a small alteration of fact on one affidavit. That’s it. That is what they got for the grand conspiracy.
They will focus on why the FBI “raided” Trump when he had all his documents “locked up” and could “declassify them” (Not true). Why didn’t the FBI raid Joe Biden’s house while he was busy handing over files they didn’t know existed? They will want to know why there has been an ongoing “witchhunt” for six years “without finding anything!” This will be the arm bar in the ring where a mistake is made, and the two don’t even touch. The reason they haven’t “found anything” is that an impeachment conviction was impossible. The prosecution was impossible due to long-held FBI rules. Despite Mueller’s report on serious Russian ties and obvious obstruction of justice, Barr went so far beyond reason to not “find” probable cause that Trump committed a crime that a judge mocked and chastised Bill Barr for signing one of the least sensible and legally bereft memos ever written to justify not finding probable cause.
The fact is that for six years, Trump has been flushing documents down toilets, forbidding the White House staff from saying anything, using Executive Privilege at every corner, and controlling the FBI during ongoing investigations (A blatant violation of the unwritten rules going back since a Justice Department was created.) So, of course, there were no charges. Oh, and James Comey put Trump in the White House in the first place. A fact Trump likes to forget.
As for the last two years? Someone needs to grill Merrick Garland, who should not have survived the mid-terms. He should have been replaced. If a president can attempt a coup and what looks like an open and shut case of espionage or - at least - obstruction of Justice, then we have no law, and someone just needs to say it.
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REAL WRESTLING: OLYMPIC, RULES AND REAL ATHLETES
There will surely be more issues (COVID), but the biggest are above and it’s getting increasingly boring. The pertinent point to take away is that the Republicans, with the majority, do have legitimate issues they could investigate. But those investigations won’t include pile drives and people jumping off ropes, no fireworks, and no costumes (Except Jordan).
They will be emotionally driven, hot-headed, drama-filled, nothing burgers. But whatever the MAGA pols say will be believed by the MAGAs. Biden will be worn down by a constant barrage of attacks and may - may - decide a second term isn’t worth it.
But there you go, program, get your program, $8.00, or $80.00 for a year. I have a guest writer who can do great work when I need a break. Let’s head for the beach: